I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
