im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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