More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
