Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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