i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Someone came in the potted fern
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
