That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
