dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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