I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
