Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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