Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
