Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just pee around me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
