I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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