They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
