If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
