M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
