True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
