Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
