My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
