i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
