I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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