New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
they're like a gay fantastic four
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
