I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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