yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
