im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
