Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
