shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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