Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
