her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
