just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
