I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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