my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
