It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
