she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
