Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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