I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
