alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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