Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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