Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
