I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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