I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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