Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
