twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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