Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
