I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
