Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
