wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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