i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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