I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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