she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
