Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
