I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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