She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
