I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
