This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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