I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
