Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
