There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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