i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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