Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
