so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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