i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
