I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
