I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
