what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
