What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
